


Vegeta, the Bus Drivin' Man

by GokuGirl



Series: The Vegeta Humiliation Chronicles [3]
Category: Dragon Ball
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Gen, Humor, Out of Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2000-04-11
Updated: 2000-04-11
Packaged: 2018-04-05 18:17:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,670
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4190067
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GokuGirl/pseuds/GokuGirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Part 3 of the Career Arc. Vegeta takes a job as Bra's bus driver.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Vegeta, the Bus Drivin' Man

**Author's Note:**

> I'd advise you to read The Career and Another Day, Another Job first. And you should also read Vegeta and the DMV as well as Vegeta: Death Driver.

Around the time Bra was 7 and after Vegeta bombed at yet another job, Bulma was on his case constantly.

"Vegeta, you're getting another job if I have to drag you down to the unemployment agency myself!"

After a while -- actually after he started to hear her when she wasn't even around -- he decided that it was time to again try his hand at manual labor.

"Yes, may I help you?" The lady at the unemployment office asked. "Oh. It's you."

"Listen, I need a job so my baka of a wife won't bother me anymore."

"Skills?"

Vegeta thought hard. He knew that purging planets of their lifeforms wasn't considered a useful skill so he shook his head.

"Well, the only job I have available is the bus driver one from before. I trust you  _do_  know how to drive?"

"Of course I do! Who doesn't?"

"Fine." She reached into a file cabinet and handed him the information. "It's at Satan City Elementary school. You have route 3a. Starting tomorrow. Go down to the school to get your uniform."

"Fine." Vegeta rose, went outside, and flew to the school.

The next day, he was all dressed in his uniform as he pulled up to the first stop. A whole crowd of children got on; after looking at him weirdly of course. Who wouldn't? Vegeta had on a black jacket, black shiny shoes, white dress shirt, the hat was sitting high on top of his hair, and he could barely see over the steering wheel.

He picked up all of the kids from all of his stops and decided it was time for his "rules".

"First off. My name is Prince Vegeta and you will call me Prince Vegeta. Now we will go over the rules: 1. No talking unless you are spoken to by me. 2. No eating, drinking, or chewing gum. 3. No throwing things. 4. If you even breath loudly you'll be sent to hell. 5. The most important; DO NOT TALK TO THE BUS DRIVER! Doing so will result in a one-way trip to hell. 6. You stand at your own risk. If you do and end up flying through a window, you can't say that I didn't warn you. DO ALL OF YOU BRATS HAVE THAT?"

Silence.

"I said DO ALL OF YOU BRATS HAVE THAT?!"

"Hai Prince Vegeta!" They chorused.

"Good." Vegeta smirked and pressed his foot down on the accelerator. The kids were thrown back into the seats and Vegeta leaned forward in concentration, taking corners on two wheels.

When they finally reached the school, the kids stood to exit the bus.

"I DIDN'T SAY THAT YOU COULD LEAVE, DID I?"

"But Prince Vegeta," One stupid little boy began.

Vegeta's smirk grew wider as he charged up a ki blast. "NO TALKING!" He pointed his finger at him and soon as that was left of the boy was a few scraps of cloth and his shoes. "Anyone else want to die?" All the kids shook their heads no, fearfully. "Good. You may go now." The children took off for the school.

Later that day, on the afternoon run, all of the kids were scared for their lives, but they didn't make plans to get rides home that morning so they had no choice but to ride -- as they nicknamed it -- the bus of infinite doom.

"Konichi-wa gaki!" Vegeta put on his best fake smile as the children borded the bus.

"Konichi-wa Vegeta-ouji," They quietly muttered as they started to sit down. But before they could, Vegeta's foot came in contact with the accelerator. They went zooming throught Satan City, dodging cars and the like. Several children started to write things in marker on blanks sheets of paper and put them to the windows. Messages like: 'Please save us!' and 'We're too young to die!'

This sort of thing went on for about a week. As it did, some kids got smart and wore protective gear. Knee and elbow pads, chest protectors, bicycle helmets, etc. Until Vegeta banned that too of course.

Frequent accidents were also added to the list. Forty car pile-ups were a regular occurance. Then came the day that Vegeta decided to take the freeway...

It was Friday afternoon and traffic was backed up for miles. Everyone inside the bus was sweltering because Prince Vegeta would not let them put up a window, but yet he had a mini fan on by his head. One little girl raised her hand, Vegeta gave her permission to speak.

"Vegeta-ouji, we're so hot and bored. Can you please allow us some fresh air and let us play a game or two?"

Vegeta pretended to think it over. "Nope."

"Pretty please?"

Vegeta stared at her and found himself softening against his will.  _She looks so much like Bra and she can give me the puppy dog look just like Bra._  "Alright. But only this one time. There are only two games you can play: tic tac toe and hangman. Since they involve paper and are relatively quiet. How about you do your homework or something?"

"Arigatou Vegeta-ouji!" The children chorused. They took out pencils, paper, and stuff just when the traffic began to move again.

You wouldn't think that a bus could move so fast or that it could squeeze between cars like that, but this one did.

Silence was not heard of as the kids began to wail and cry and scream that they were going to die.

"SHUT UP OR YOU  _WILL_  DIE!"

They didn't. Inanimate objects also flew around the area. Each hitting Vegeta in his head until he couldn't take it anymore. He slammed on the brakes -- kids were hitting the seats in front of them right and left --, skidded until he blocked traffic  _both_ ways (it's a two lane hi-way), jumped up from his seat, and went super saiyan.

"LISTEN UP! IF YOU BRATS ANNOY ME ONE MORE TIME, IT WILL BE YOUR LAST! GOT THAT?!"

"Hai Vegeta-ouji!"

"GOOD." He powered down, sat back in his seat, and manuvered the the bus onto the right lane, and the bus trip from hell continued."

***

Miraculously Bulma never heard about this until the school called Saturday morning.

Bra answered it. "Moshi moshi. Capsule Corporation, Bra speaking, how may I help you?" She listened with a weird look on her face. "Papa did all that?! Okay lady, I'll tell my Kaasan. Sayonara." She hung up the phone. "Oooh, Papa's gonna get it!"

Bra ran directly to her parents bedroom and without knocking on the door she entered and jumped onto the bed. "Papa's gonna get it! Papa's gonna get it!" Surprisingly, Vegeta still slept through this.

"What are you doing Bra-chan?" Bulma drowsily asked her.

"Kaasan! Papa did bad at work last week."

"Nani? How do you know?"

"The school called. The lady on the phone said that the kids now need the--thera--" she stumbled over the unfamiliar word.

"Therapy?"

"Hai. That's it. Therapy! She said that he scared them and he said he was gonna kill them."

"NANI?! Vegeta! Get up, NOW!" Bulma put her feet to his back and shoved, hard.

"Onna!" He muttered a few curses and stood. "What in hell did you do that for?"

"Vegeta, stop cursing! Little ears are listening!" she stood, hands on hips. "Bra-chan said that the school called this morning. What on Chikyuu did you do to those poor children?!" Bra nodded and looked eagerly to her Tousan for his reaction.

Vegeta opened his mouth to respond, then thought better of it. "Bra, leave."

"Aw, do I have to?"

Bulma nodded. "This may get ugly."

Bra nodded. In other words, her tousan was going to get a major tongue lashing. She left the room, but still remained on the outside of the door. Trunks saw her and came over.

"What's going on Bra?" he asked rather loudly.

"Shhh!" She put her index finger over her lips and motioned to the door. Trunks nodded in understanding and croutched beside her.

"I can't believe you  _threatened_  those kids! How could you?! You probably scared them for life!"

"Not so Bulma. They needed a little discipline."

"All I can say is their parents better not sue us for the payment of therapy."

"They won't. As long as I have anything to say about it."

Bulma glared at him. "NO KILLING!"

"Can't promise you that."

She growled and threw the closest thing at him, the lamp. He caught it with ease and set it on the floor.

"I was just kidding."

Bulma sighed. "Why don't I believe you?"

Bra and Trunks exchanged glances. This was a more interesting fight.

***

Vegeta continued to terrorize the student population until the children got an idea...

Vegeta was driving them to school when he noticed that those brats were just staring at him, unblinking. Every time he looked in the mirror at them, they were still staring.  _What the hell are they on?_  he asked himself. This was enough to unerve even the most powerful warrior.

After the fifth day of the stare treatment, he marched into the principal's office and resigned. "Those children aren't normal. I can't drive those little brats anymore!" The principal could only guess at what happened to them. Since she needed a driver, bad, she talked him into staying if she switched his route.

Vegeta was on his new route, 1b, and coincidentally, it went by the Capsule Corporation and his own daughter rode that bus. Instead of the stare treatment, he got something much worse. Endless questions.

"Papa, why are you driving this route? Papa, why do your pants fit so tight? Papa, what's the meaning of life?" And so on and so on.

The other kids picked up on this and started to bombard him with questions as well. "Vegeta-san, what's up with your hair? Vegeta-san, why are you so short?"

He couldn't kill any of them because he knew Bra would tell Bulma on him without a second thought so he suffered in silence.


End file.
